Coronavirus thread

[Bandit]

But in lockdowns we're all RELYING on that shit internet. The protest could have been avoided entirely if we either didn't have the internet to allow horse punchers to communicate, or if the internet was good enough to actually stay at home.

So I bought a new house and move in 2 months. I can get gigabit

In before it turns to Gigashit internet.

In other news... Victoria is preparing for lock down 6. We've been out of lockdown for 2 days so we're overdue for a lockdown! At lockdown 47 Victorians will finally start to think that maybe these lock downs haven't done a fucking thing, despite our governments severe case of Lock Down Syndrome.

It should be reserved for only if you have a "hell on earth" situation like Italy and New York City did last April. Otherwise all it does is just delay the inevitable. People are going to get it forever now, it won't go away like the flu is never going away. Everyone just make sure you get a vaccine so the symptoms won't be bad if you get it.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

Lockdown 6 for Victoria starts tonight. It will go for at least a week.

[Skynet]

I think SA has had 2? You guys need to settle down. Also NSW, what the fuck man?

[Dr. Zoidberg]

NSW not going well. The deaths are starting to rise, and it's not just oldies this time.

[ian]

A serious and important message from Melbourne:
We are all so sorry that you in Queensland and South Australia have been subjected to lockdowns when Melbourne's 4938th fucking lock down in 2 years has proved that they aren't doing jack FUCKING shit as we enter our 4939th lockdown.

We are entirely responsible for the ruination of lives due to lockdowns and giving you all the impression that these fucking things serve a single fucking purpose, but at this point all of us here in Melbourne would like to remind everyone that if New South Wales hadn't of let that cruise ship disembark where everyone on board had Covid-19, fucking none of us would be in this situation.

We would rather our Iron fisted Labour dictator than a Horde of incompetent and inhuman liberal scum.

Love-
Every Single person in Victoria.

[ian]

Special Lockdown Treat just for BG!
Put on Tribute by Tenacious D.

and sing along with my new lyrics.


Melbourne:
This is the greatest and best lockdown in the world.
Long time ago me and my Melbournians
We was locked in our homes on a long and lonesome road
All of a sudden
There shined Daniel Andrews
In the middle of the road
AND HE SAID
Comply to the best lockdown in the world, or I'll eat your souls...
Well me and the others
We looked at each other
And we all said
Okay!
And they made the first rules that came to their heads
Just so happened to be
The best lockdown in the world
It was the best lockdown in the world.

Check in with a code. It's taking the piss
Scomo don't do shit, and nor does gladys
We're all sick of this!
Once every hundred thousand years or so
A Politician won't suck
A Politician won't blow
But when it starts we don't know.

Needless to say,
The world was stunned.
Whip-crack with a ring of steel,
And the crowds were done.
They asked us,
Be you essential?
And we said nay,
We had but jobs,
Lock!
DOWN!, oh, wo, a-yo!

Sydney:
This is not the greatest lockdown in the world, no.
This is just a tribute!
Couldn't remember the rules of the greatest lockdown in the world, yeah - no!
This is a tribute!
To the greatest lockdown in the world
Alright!
to the greatest lockdown in the world,
Alright!

Rules are fligu dud di, lub it diddy do wii fligu dud di oooh wiii.

That was the greatest motherfuckin' lockdown, the greatest lockdown in the world oh!
And the peculiar thing is this my friends,
The Rules we made on that fateful night,
It didn't actually work anything like VIC rules!
This is just a tribute!
You gotta believe me,
And I’m glad you’re not there,
Just a matter of contention.
Ah, ah, oh!
Good God,
Gotta love em,
I'm so surprised you voted for them!
Alright!
Alright!
2021 Poor Mans WAY for PWME.

It's an Extra treat since this is the first Parody I have finished in more than 4 years.
And probably the last I will finish for the next 4.

[pixel]

Meanwhile, from my governor

[ian]

Meanwhile, from my governor

[Dr. Zoidberg]

Pfizer shot 2 done and dusted. Expecting to feel a bit shitty tomorrow. Good thing I can't go anywhere anyway.

[ian]

Well my treat for BG got used for another site (albeit poorly) by a poster that wasn't me.
So The treat has now been posted in a few places.
(I still expect to be told it's been stolen by someone on reddit or facebook in a week LMAO)
I figure if I post it in as many places as possible, at least if it's stolen and people take credit for it, they can be corrected.

It's not even like I'm trying to make money off my parodies, and people still try to steal the concept.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

Sue them!

[ian]

Sue them!

Wouldn't that be nice. But, the very law that protects me from being sued by original artists, protects anyone who steals my shit.
Even if I could sue them, I am pretty sure my pay out would be a pittance, to be paid in 20 equal installments of one-twentieth of a pittance each.

[Ocelot]

Meanwhile here in the US state of Ohio, Covid's like disco making a comeback and our governor, formally a man who did the right thing for our state before he was neutered by Republicans bawwing about MUH FREEDOMZZZ is responding to our rapidly re-worsening Covid problem with a bunch of big words and I expect to be living in a real life version of the Stand in a few months at this rate. Can I be Randall Flagg?

[pixel]

Can I be Randall Flagg?

I'm planning a Vegas trip in October, give me a heads up if you're planning anything?

About 500,000 people are expected to visit South Dakota this next week for the Sturgis Bike Rally. There's only ~885,000 people here normally, so it's just fantastic.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

29 new cases in Victoria. I think we will be locked down for more than 7 days.

319 for NSW.

[2dr]

NSW not going well. The deaths are starting to rise, and it's not just oldies this time.

That’s because the Premier refused to do anything about it until it was ALREADY out of control. Then she be like “Not our fault!”

I mean the fuck it’s not. Victoria has shown that going quickly into a hard lockdown can stop the virus from spreading. Imagine if the NSW premier had used her brain for once. They could have been out of lockdown by now and be laughing at Victoria.

[2dr]

29 new cases in Victoria. I think we will be locked down for more than 7 days.

319 for NSW.

Have barely been affected by the lockdown at all. I never go anywhere beyond 4.5 km except once a fortnight for family dinner, and I spend most of the time at home on my computer anyway.

[melancholy]

Got my J&J one-and-done yesterday. I was anticipating all kinds of flu symptoms the day after the vaccine. But I was absolutely not expecting to be free of flu symptoms, but have every single muscle in my body on fire. Muscles that always hurt hurt more. Muscles that never hurt now hurt. Places that I didn’t even consider I had muscles hurt. Even the muscles in my jaw and cheek hurt. I rolled out of bed this morning and felt like an 80-year-old that just completed an Ironman.

[2dr]

Fuck. I felt light headed for a few hours after my first jab. They said that the second one will be worse.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

I was fine after pfizer shot 2. I got a bit tired a earlier than usual the next day but that was about it.

Got my J&J one-and-done yesterday. I was anticipating all kinds of flu symptoms the day after the vaccine. But I was absolutely not expecting to be free of flu symptoms, but have every single muscle in my body on fire. Muscles that always hurt hurt more. Muscles that never hurt now hurt. Places that I didn’t even consider I had muscles hurt. Even the muscles in my jaw and cheek hurt. I rolled out of bed this morning and felt like an 80-year-old that just completed an Ironman.

Sounds shitty.