Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

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Dr. Zoidberg
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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Dr. Zoidberg » Wed Sep 30, 2020 12:06 am

Bandit wrote:
Tue Sep 29, 2020 11:59 pm
Meltzer is going to release a book on Friday about American wrestling in 1997. It will be 670 pages.
Awesome. You could do some damage if you drop that book on your foot. Even the digital version.




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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Fri Dec 25, 2020 4:41 am

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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Dr. Zoidberg » Fri Dec 25, 2020 12:18 pm

:olol:

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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Wed Dec 30, 2020 1:58 pm

Wade Keller fired Bruce Mitchell for claiming AEW and Brodie Lee's wife are lying about him not having COVID.

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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Dr. Zoidberg » Wed Dec 30, 2020 2:05 pm

Wow. I saw all the drama on Twitter about it over the past few days but didn't think Wade would let him go.

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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Dr. Zoidberg » Wed Dec 30, 2020 2:11 pm


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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Wed Dec 30, 2020 11:42 pm

Midnight came and went, no post.

And people are saying Conrad Thompson is going to stop Bruce's show on the Ad Free Shows Patreon because he's pissed off about him too.

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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Thu Dec 31, 2020 12:25 am

This was the column BTW
Why The Questions Surrounding Brodie Lee’s Death Are Important
from Bruce Mitchell

Brodie Lee’s death hurts.

It hurts his family, the wife and family he worked so hard to provide for. He loved them and they loved him.

It hurts his pro wrestling family. He worked with everybody in WWE, the industry leader. Every major name, from Stephanie McMahon and Triple H on down shared what he meant to them personally and professionally – how he bonded with them in simple, human ways and how important he was to their work.

It hurts his fans, who were happy to see him finally arrive at the cusp of the real stardom they had seen in him all along.

Even though he could provide very well for the family he loved best by staying with the industry leader, he decided to gamble on his talent. He partnered with AEW booker/owner Tony Khan to create the main-event money-drawing star he saw himself as. His wife, with three young children at home to raise, backed his decision to leave WWE to find his destiny, even though it would mean less money in the house to start.

Heart-breakingly, that gamble was paying off.

Brodie Lee was aptly named. Like Bruiser Brody, he had the physical presence, the strong style, and the iconic look to not only follow in the real Hardcore Legend’s path, but to do it better than anyone else had, including John Nord, since Brody’s murder.

No matter his size, look and presence though, there was no room for Luke Harper, his WWE persona, to dominate WWE’s 50/50 booked arena. Bruiser Brody’s character didn’t work in every context either. He had to be allowed to dominate to be able to sell tickets in great numbers.

There was no better example of the forces in WWE that stalemated Luke Harper than in what happened with his team with Erick Rowan, The Bludgeon Brothers. Here were these two outlaws, the modern day Brody & Stan Hansen, music and costuming meticulously detailed out to the Corporate T, clearly emphasizing the company over the fighters, strangling the act before they even started walking to the ring, . There’s no place for the bad-ass likes of Brody & Hansen in the mid-card. There never was.

But then there was the gamble to join AEW. There was the newly re-named Brodie Lee, dominating everywhere. He dominated the Dark Order, giving a gang of geeks his presence and credibility. Lee re-established the dominating finisher the Lariat as physical punishment like no one (no, not even WWE’s JBL) had done since the days of the Masked Superstar in New Japan Pro Wrestling, Brodie took out AEW TNT Main Event Champion Cody on national TV in front of a million fans with one killer Lariat and took his championship away from him, fair and square.

Lee forced Cody’s character to dig deep, to being back the darkness in his hair, I mean his soul, in order to even get in the ring with him for the rematch.

Brody Lee and Cody Rhodes then brutally re-established the worn-out old strap match gimmick and overcame the handicaps the Covid-19 Era placed on professional wrestling matches, literally knocking out one of the best matches of the year. Brody Lee was right there ready to grow with AEW into one of pro wrestling’s very top stars, taking his on-air stooges in The Dark Order with him.

Then, he just disappeared.

AEW and WWE had already been compromising pandemic health standards by gathering in Florida to even have events. It’s no secret that both companies, WWE in particular, have not been transparent as to the consequences to the people involved of even putting on these shows. They both continued to run even when bigger money, more popular cultural entities like the NFL, the NCAA, the NBA, and Major League Baseball stopped , then cut back on events. The decision to do this didn’t just put the independent contractors and their families at risk, but strengthened the pandemic itself by compromising social distancing, thereby strengthening the virus putting everybody, everywhere at more risk of getting sick and dying.

It’s also evident to anyone who knows professional wrestling history that companies have long covered up the health risks involved in the lifestyles and standards the business often requires. Look no further than how WWE reacted in the wake of the Chris Benoit murder/suicide for a strong, irresponsible example. Wrestlers and wrestler families who wanted to stay employed in the business also participated in these compromises in exchange for employment, or even the possibility of future employment.

The Head of the Table isn’t just a storyline,

Then, Brodie Lee disappeared.

Understandably in the Covid-19 Era the silence surrounding his absence led to many, myself included, wondering whether he had contracted the virus.

AEW and Lee’s family kept a very tight lid on what was going on with him and how serious Lee’s medical situation actually was. It turned out to so serious that he was being treated at the Mayo Clinic for it.

With his passing, Brodie Lee’s wife issued a statement noting the enormous support his family had received from AEW and the doctors at the Mayo Clinic during his illness. She stated that her husband had died “after a hard-fought battle with a non-Covid-related lung issue.”

That leaves the issue, though, of why Brodie Lee, his family, and AEW kept such a tight lid on information during his illness. People who have had COVID-19 have gotten lung damage that remained after the virus had left their system and they then tested negatively for it. Could this be what Kee’s wife meant, that he had already recovered from a bout with COVID-19 and was then suffering from this lung issue? Why would the family and AEW stay so quiet about what was going on if it was not COVID-19 related at all? .

Our country as a whole has not effectively worked together to lower the odds of the pandemic growing and now we’re in the midst of a surge that has made COVID-19 more dangerous than before. Do you know people who have suffered and died from COVID-19 now?

I do.

There’s even the possibility that the virus has mutated to become even more deadly. Vaccines may very well turn out to be effective in the fight to push back COVID-19, but at best that pushback is months away.

There’s no guarantee in the face of this, that pro wrestling or the NCAA or any other major league sports will see their way clear to continue in the face of how strong the pandemic surge is now.

The one thing that will put a stop to any of these sports faster than anything else is the death of a major player, like the University of Florida Gators college basketball star Kevontae Johnson, who was put on a ventilator after collapsing on the court during a game or a major national TV pro wrestling star dying because of something relating to this.

I’m not a doctor, but I’ve never heard of an athlete the size and in the shape Brodie Lee was in to be able to excel in his last two matches suddenly developing a lung condition that serious that quickly.

Whatever the circumstances, Brodie Lee’s family and AEW both would serve his memory best by being forthright about all the circumstances surrounding his death, whatever they are, thereby honoring him by allowing us all to make the best-informed decisions possible protecting everyone’s health.

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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Dr. Zoidberg » Thu Dec 31, 2020 1:22 am




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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Thu Dec 31, 2020 6:06 am




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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Thu Dec 31, 2020 8:33 am


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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Ocelot » Thu Dec 31, 2020 9:51 am

Bruce Mitchell is a twat and has been a twat for almost 30 years. He's a bedbug on the ass of wrestling and has not contributed one single positive element to the wrestling business.

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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Wed Jan 06, 2021 2:01 am


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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Dr. Zoidberg » Sat Feb 13, 2021 10:59 pm


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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Dr. Zoidberg » Mon May 24, 2021 1:26 am

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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Tue May 25, 2021 9:07 pm


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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Dr. Zoidberg » Thu Jun 03, 2021 6:03 pm


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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Thu Jun 03, 2021 8:49 pm

They watched a lot of Konnan in WCW.

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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Thu Dec 09, 2021 6:28 am

1/9/06

-Todd Grisham flipped out on Byte This last week after a caller, right before they hung up, said TNA was better than WWE. Todd called the guy a “retard”. That is poetic, really.

-Roderick Strong vs. Samoa Joe. I was trying to watch Joe kill this guy, but meanwhile, TNA felt it was imperative to alert me that Shannon Moore was in the rafters in his Halloween costume and Dave Hebner was on the apron pretending to scribble notes on a piece of paper.

-Show opened with Christian Cage in the ring counting down the seconds to 2006. This was taped, as noted, weeks back, and he fucked it up several times and everyone was laughing. God bless good editing.

-Melina and her attorney came down to the ring, where a podium was set up. She didn’t do her usual ring entrance, walking up the stairs instead. You know, because she’s a dignified woman now. There were a bunch of photographers outside to document the deal. She was so distraught she could hardly talk, but finally opened up saying this subject was of an adult nature. Did they tell her she had twenty minutes or what? SPIT IT OUT. Crowd chanted “BATISTA!” She said as a role model for young women, she had no choice but to summon the courage to do what was right, not just for her, but for all the other women that had been in this position. She said the truth was, she was recently the victim of a sexual predator. Tons of boos. “A man who you all know as Batista.” A very, very small child screamed “SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” She said she told Batista to stop and he didn’t. Crowd was booing like crazy now. Crowd chanted “SLUT!” Bet all the rape victims are loving this one. Way to go, Vince. She said Batista used his power and influence as World Champion and forced her to have sexual relations. She said there was a side of Batista that we knew nothing about, a side that would do anything to get what he wanted regardless of who got hurt. This time, she said, Batista had gone to her. “My body is my temple!” she said. “You had no right to do what you did to me. Every time I close my eyes I’m haunted by the image of Batista and his smirk. It is an image that I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life. I’m scarred.” Now they were chanting “BORING!” END THIS BULL SHIT. She said to ensure this didn’t happen to any other women, she was taking a stand and suing “one David Batista” for sexual harassment.

-Funaki interviewed Kid Kash in segment straight out of 1994 All American Wrestling. Kash then cut a promo straight out of 1994 All American Wrestling. He said he beat a nobody for the title (brilliant line), and that he didn’t know what a Juventud was, and when he looked it up in the dictionary, he found that it meant a Mexican salamander. He called Funaki “sushi boy” and said this was the closest he’d ever get to the Cruiserweight title. Then he gave him a brainbuster on the stage.

-Raw opened with a tease for Angle vs. Cena First Blood, and Coach saying later there would be amateur footage of Flair’s Road Rage incident. Unfortunately, this tease included a shot of the footage, which immediately ruined the gag. WAY TO GO WWE.

-Well, it pains me to say it these days, but it’s still true, The Diva Maria is not of this Earth.

-Mickie met with Trish in the shower, to apologize for last week. She handed her a towel, the noted, “Wow, Trish, nice boobs!” No subtlety here.

-Edge and Lita came out to talk the truth about Ric Flair. He said he had home video footage of the incident. The footage was of Edge, in a blonde wig and feathered boa, doing the dirt-worst Ric Flair imitation in 26 years. I mean this was HORRIBLE until the actual beating occurred. “Flair” attacked the motorist with chops and eye pokes, then put him in the figure four right there on the Interstate. OK, THAT was awesome, only because I can actually envision such a thing. When they came back to the arena people were cheering. But then Lita spoke and they started chanting “SLUT!” Edge said at the PPV Sunday he was going to rescue the Intercontinental Title from Flair’s useless life. Flair suddenly ran out and beat the piss out of him on the ramp. WHOO~! Flair was holding his own until Lita hit the ring. Flair cut her off and put her in the figure four. Edge deserted her. Flair vs. Edge might actually be pretty good if this is any indication. Still, I’m not sure if this angle and footage is doing Flair’s legal case any wonders, particularly that part right there where he assaulted the 120-pound woman.

-Hunter came out for this week’s whacky promo. He said lots of folks talked about getting things done, but nine times out of ten it failed miserably. But not with HHH. He is a MAN OF ACTION. He said he had footage to show folks of the contract signing last week. Clips aired of Big Show running him down. Back in the building, Hunter said, “OK, well that’s not exactly the footage I thought we would show. But what the hell, it’s live TV, I’ll wing it.” This got a huge ovation. BEST PROMO EVER. What a shitty heel, though

-SHELTON BENJAMIN’S MAMA DEBUTED. She was EXACTLY what you would expect. She gave him a BROWBEATING and told him to get his ass in the shower because he STUNK. They may have found themselves a winner here.


1/16/06

-They interviewed Angle about the Elimination Chamber.  Today, he tried to get heat by saying the best country in the world was France.  He added that he wasn’t a very big fan of “the black people”. Angle said if there was one person he wanted to tap out in history, it was Jesus.  The point of this was that no matter what he said to the idiots, they could cheer him.  As he said this, you could hear them cheering.

-Just then, who should pass by but Shelton and his MAMA~! She said everything was going to change for him now because Mama was in the house. She said he wasn’t eating right with the protein bars and such, so they needed to go to catering and get some REAL food. “Yes, mama,” he said.

-Mickie met with Trish backstage and said, “Wow, that hurt!”, but she was still all happy and jolly. Trish said you realize you lost, right? Mickie said yeah, but it was OK because when they wrestled their skin touched and it was like satin sheets.

-Shelton came out and cut a promo. He said nobody talked to his mama that way, and he wanted Viscera to come out and apologize. Mama grabbed the mic and flipped out, saying she didn’t want an apology, she wanted “Benjamin” to come out and get an ass-whipping at the hands of her son. Benjamin saved that faux pax with his hilarious facials. “I SAID VISCERA!” she added upon figuring it out. You know, when people said that Mama was going to turn Benjamin’s career around, I wasn’t sure what to think, but now I know: THEY WERE RIGHT. She was so awesome.

-4. Viscera vs. Shelton. Mama was outside BEING MAMA and it was great. I believe she called Viscera, and I quote, an OX. Viscera gave him a sidewalk slam and she screamed, “Oh, my BAY-BEE!” Everyone in the room with me was dying. Lawler was back for this one, thank God. They showed a replay and Shelton WHACKED him with a hard knee to the head. I would not want a receipt from Viscera. The announcers were laughing at her as well. It’s a good thing she came in greatly overweight because at the rate she’s going she will be losing at least 10-20 pounds per TV taping. Viscera hit a Samoan drop and she screamed, “SHELTON BENJAMIN DO I NEED TO GET MY BELT!?!?!” Ok Jesus this is killing me. “GET YOUR ASS UP!” She is absolutely saving this match, I should note. “YOU BETTER WHOOP HIM OR I’M GONNA WHOOP YOU!” Viscera did his anal rapeage spot and Mama went nuts. Viscera missed the big splash and Mama hit him with her purse, then Shelton got the pin with the dragon whip. Mama was so happy she could hardly contain herself. THANK GOD FOR MAMA. (*1/2) (and of that, Mama was *** of it, so do the math)

- A WrestleMania promo aired set to Big Time by Peter Gabriel. Really.

-As most of you are aware by now, STEPHANIE MCMAHON IS PREGNANT. Yes indeed. I actually predicted last summer when Hunter took time off that this was the reason for him doing so, and the rapid change in his physique seemed to confirm this notion. Over the summer they also bought a motorhome with the idea being to see whether it would be possible to raise a family on the road. Apparently the answer was yes. Ric Flair was also living with them for awhile, but no, he is not the father.

-Regarding the Cena title change Sunday, it appears to have been just another mild flip-out on the part of Vince McMahon. The decision was made Saturday night and Cena was told of the change the day of the show. He tried to put on a good face backstage, but it was pretty clear watching on PPV (both for me, who knew it was going to happen because someone who watched it live called and spoiled it, and Dave Meltzer, who was watching it live and might not have known) noticed that Cena did not look like a happy camper coming into the ring. Cena was told by the office that this wasn’t his fault and they still believed in him, but there was a sense that he felt that by doing this, they had determined he was a failure in the role. The writing crew spent all Monday afternoon rushing to put together a Raw show (which should give you an idea of the long-term planning involved with the switch), and things weren’t any easier on Tuesday afternoon when it was clear something had to be done with Batista as well.

-Lita’s boob was visible for a few moments on Raw as she fiddled around under the covers with Edge. In the US, the screen went black for a few seconds. In Canada, they cut to shots from 1997 of fans holding up DX signs, which is funny for some reason.

-Dhalip “Giant Singh” has, in fact, signed with WWE. This is not a joke.

-Tim White is not dead if you are on the Internet. A new video aired WWE.com with Tim and Josh Matthews. Josh said everyone saw what happened at the PPV, but what they didn’t see was that Tim accidentally shot himself in the foot instead of the head. He asked Tim, who again didn’t say one word, to show everyone the foot. It was in a big cast. Tim then grabbed a box that had “RAT POISON” written on it in huge bold letters, and as Josh “tried to stop him”, he swallowed it and tipped over backwards in his chair, his feet flopping in the air. This was the source of much hilarity among the producers of the segment, who laughed and laughed and laughed and will someday laugh themselves right out of business.

-Juventud Guerrera got canned. This made me sad because just last week Dave Meltzer was talking about how excited he was for Juvie to go to Mexico with the WWE crew, because it would be STORIES GALORE!~! If you want to know why he was fired, the answer is because he was Juventud Guerrera.

-There have been a rush of TNA callers into Byte This the past two weeks, so expect screened calls or planted calls from this point forward. It wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t have Todd Grisham as the host, because he’s an idiot clearly unable to think on his feet.

-Candace on Byte This attempted to explain the wand. One day she was out shopping and figured she could use a wand with a star on it because she figured she was ready to be a star. It is a magic wand, she said, which is able to do magic things. I still don’t get it. Apparently there is a WWE version of the magic wand story as well that is so long and detailed that if you ask about it you’ll regret doing so.

-Shane Douglas interviewed Jarrett, Team Canada and AMW, who as usual in wrestling were behaving in a manner that normal folks don’t behave in. Scott D’Amore walked in and said he had a letter from that crazy woman Jackie. Jarrett said not to worry about it. D’Amore said he opened it up and had only read half, but couldn’t help but notice that she’d mentioned Canada many times. He wanted to know if Jarrett had been drinking when he talked to her, and perhaps his loose lips went to jibber-jabbering. Jarrett said no, he didn’t even drink, and everyone in the world had to control their chuckling.

-Lita came out on the ramp with the belt. She said Cena would get a rematch for the belt, but not tonight. Edge thought it would be a good idea if Lita talked to Vince, and after a little bit of “oral persuasion”, he agreed to hold off on the rematch until the Royal Rumble. Loud “SLUT!” chants. She was upset despite the fact that she had just said, seconds earlier, that she had given Vince McMahon a BJ to hold off on a title shot. She said the only thing Edge would be doing tonight was fucking, and in fact it was going to take place right there in the middle of the ring tonight on live TV. She said tonight Edge was going to do the one thing that none of the other guys in this building could do, “GET LAID!” Cena told her told on. He said there might be a faction of the audience that though he sucked, but every single one of them knew she sucked. She was so sad. YOU JUST SAID YOU SUCKED VINCE’S DONG.

-Vince met with Cena backstage. He said this live sex thing tonight was not his idea, but he still wanted to make sure no one interfered. Cena said Lita was a known slut and thus it would be freaky, therefore he was just going to sit back there and enjoy it like everyone else. Vince said good, because if he interfered he’d lose his title shot at the Rumble.

-Shelton and his Mama had a meeting backstage. She ran into Val Venis. She’d seen his face somewhere before, perhaps in a film or two. He said perhaps she saw him in “Hairy Twatter”. She flipped out. “YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!” she said. “TONIGHT!”

-Lawler said Kane would probably be excited to see the live sex deal later as well. Um, Lita is his ex-wife who screwed him over. You fucking idiots.

- It was time for LIVE SEX~! There was a bed in the ring. This should suck. The foreplay, I guess, was Edge cutting a promo about how nobody saw his title win coming. Well, except for the folks on our board who predicted it Sunday afternoon with no inside information whatsoever. In general, though, he was right. He said in this business you didn’t have to be the biggest or the strongest, just the smartest. He said before he got down to the sex, he wanted to relive some of his previous accomplishments. A video package aired from what I presume was a future Edge DVD. This was good stuff and made the belt seem super important. So now it was time for “live, unbridled, torrid, mad, passionate sex”. Whacky jazz played and they began stripped each other. “I wonder if Snitsky is watching right now,” said Coach. Actually, I’ll bet he is. This stripping took a good deal of time. Eventually Lita was in her bra and panties and Edge was in nothing but biker shorts, which was hideously unacceptable. They got under the covers and off went the bra. The feed momentarily died. Edge went under the covers and came back out with her panties in his mouth. And suddenly there was a “WHOO~!”, and out came THE NATURE BOY~!~!~! He had the biggest smile on his face. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” he screamed. He called Edge a disgrace to the WWE Title. He said it took blood, sweat, tears and years of hard work to prove to the fans that you’re championship quality. He said not only did Edge prove he was a shitty champion, but he also proved he was “dead in the bed”. He said the Nature Boy needed to show him how to do it. And then he literally started skipping and running down to the ring. Edge saved Lita’s lack of virtue with a HARD chairshot to the side of Ric’s 56-year-old head. This was SO wrong. Then he laid his head on the announce table and gave him another chairshot. Flair sold it like he was literally dead, as in, had passed away. Cena ended up making the save. Edge ran for his life. Lita was still in the bed. Her strategy was to go under the covers. Crowd actually started chanting “CENA!” loudly. He tore the covers off, but her clothes were back on. The fans were sad. So he gave her the FU and they were happy. FUCKED UP 18-34 YEAR OLD MALES. This was one weird show.

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Re: Dirt Sheet Lulz & Knowledge Droppings

Post by Bandit » Thu Dec 09, 2021 7:51 am

1/23/06

-BG James & Bill E. Gunn vs. Elix Skipper & David Young. James & E. Gunn are now known as THE JAMES GANG. Tenay noted that it was the first time they’d teamed up on PPV in six years. E. Gunn was in rare form this evening. First off, he said he had three words for the fans: “Get it, got it, good!” It was so obvious that it was, in fact, five words, that Tenay made note of it and the fans sat there in almost utter silence, embarrassed for him perhaps.

-For supposedly being so smart, Raven sure does do some stupid things in his matches.

-Backstage, Larry told Raven not to forget his bags. “Don’t forget to write!” he added. Jackie Gayda walked up and told Raven that they both had something in common. That was that they both got screwed a lot by folks around TNA. I wonder if she realized how funny that line was.

-Sting looked basically the same with the exception of shorter hair. He was in good shape for a mid-40s preacher

-So anyway, Vince is down on Raw as a whole, which is one of the reasons he made the move to take the belt off Cena and put it on Edge. The best part of all of this, which further illustrates that Vince McMahon lives in a different world from the rest of us, is that he’s happy with how Smackdown is doing.

-Trinity from TNA also signed. The idea is that Trinity and someone else will serve as co-managers and co-lovers of Orlando Jordan, who will be given a bisexual character. You think I’m joking. CM Punk has dodged a lot of gimmick bullets lately, so I would not be the least bit surprised if they chose him to play the male role.

-This story has been kept very quiet, but I think most people who follow the Internet pretty closely have heard about it by now. Bob Orton is off TV with hepatitis, and he’s had it for awhile, and John Lauranitis knew about it and told no one, and Orton ended up bleeding all over the place at the last Smackdown PPV. When Undertaker found out about it, he was absolutely irate as you can imagine. He wasn’t the only person bled on, as there was blood all over Randy, the ref and the cameraman, and when Bob came back through the curtain afterwards, still covered in blood, he was shaking hands with folks left and right. The excuse is that Bob was busted open hardway. Few believe this, and the fact that he was wearing a white shirt (an old-school trick that guys used to always do when they were going to bleed, since obviously the red all over a white shirt added greatly to the drama) isn’t helping his case.

-Tim White is dead again. This time he hung himself, as Josh Matthews did the worst job attempting to save him since the last time they did a skit. All of this footage is available on WWE.com if you’re looking to see how awful “comedy” can get.

-Sting also interviewed Russo, who plugged Ring of Glory and said he had no desire to work for TNA ever again. Always write stuff like that down.

-Douglas interviewed Jackie Gayda. She said this whole thing was between herself and Jeff, not TNA, Douglas or anyone else. So why did she request the TV time?

- After commercial, Piper came out to do his whacky interview. He said he did his first Piper’s Pit here in Philadelphia 22 years ago, and his guest this evening was — and out came JBL, without even being introduced. Piper told him next time he should wait, but he’d forgive him because this was his first-ever appearance. JBL is great because he’s full of shit, he knows it and he doesn’t care. He talked about how he was the longest-reigning Smackdown champ in history (he wasn’t, and in fact, the guy he was burying, Batista, was). He talked about how when he was champ, buyrates were through the roof, and ratings were super high, and it was so awesome. So anyway, he ranted and raved forever and Piper acted like he was falling asleep. Roddy finally grabbed the mic and started making fun of Jillian’s mole in the crudest manner possible. JBL got upset, but Piper told him to shut up so he could introduce his real guest this evening, THE BOOGEY MAN. JBL freaked out, tossed Jillian into Boogey, then bailed. She was, I guess, stricken with terror. Boogey proceeded to start licking her mole. The fans were appalled. And then he bit the mole off. That’s right, he bit it clean off her face, and ate it. I don’t even know what to say about this. I heard this rumor, and I could not believe it, but then I thought about it and determined that it might, in fact, be an idea that someone in WWE came up with. And then the next thing you know, IT HAPPENED. I guess the best thing I can say is that because it involved the Boogey Man, I really thought absolutely nothing of it.

-Raw opened with the annual Martin Luther King video, which is always so weird to see. Vince does this every year, and it seems he’s into it, and of course this would come as a shock to anyone who has watched, oh, a week or two of WWE programming at any point in the past 25 years.

-God bless Ric Flair but he looked no younger than 85 here. Vince gave him a big pep talk about how he could win the WWE Title tonight. Well, a sarcastic pep talk. They’re claiming Flair has a concussion from last week. In next was Candace. She said her match was next and she wanted Vince to critique it move for move. He said of course, and afterwards they could have THE TALK they were planning earlier. He made her do her dance. Even Ric Flair was appalled by this display.

-There was a Candace video package as she explained her window-washing GoDaddy commercial. This was FIVE STAR SHIT. I never knew there was so much to say about a woman washing a window with her breasts.

-Vince met with a production guy and said Candace really had the hots for him, so he wanted to make sure he wasn’t disturbed if she came to visit. After commercial, he was spraying stuff in his mouth and disrobing in preparation. There was a knock on the door. He told her not to say a word, then pulled his pants down. He started to do the GoDaddy dance and turned around right into Shelton’s Mama. She had some DOLLA BILLS~! for him, then demanded a match for her son later. Vince said fine, he’d sign him to a match with a fitting opponent. She sent Shelton away, then started hitting on Vince. She said the next time he wanted some “chocolate thunda, some brown SUGA~!,” she could dial him up. “I’ll make your HAIR GROW!” she added. OHOHOH~!~!

-Flair’s daughter Ashley, who is one lovely young lass, was outside screaming for her father.

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